The Phlegm Hits The Fan!

A couple years ago, my wife spots Diane at lunch with a man. When I talk to her and tease her about having a boyfriend, she tells me he was her painter and that she owed him lunch. However, a few months later, when we invite Diane to a Mother's Day brunch, she asks if she can bring someone along, explaining that this was the person she'd been spotted with and didn't want to say anything then till she "knew where it was going."

This man was a widower from her church, a gentleman named Al. Al and/or his family welcomed Diane and suddenly we didn't see as much of her at holiday gatherings, nor did she spend as much time calling us, my parents, or my Aunts and Uncles. She had quit smoking, lost weight, and now had someone to spend time with and something to do other than sitting around thinking about what to decorate or redecorate next. Things seemed good for Diane.

That was until Saturday, February 10th, 2007, when Diane called and asked if she could come over. We didn't think too much of this, as Diane would often bring over little gifts for us or the kid for various occasions and we figured, with Valentine's upcoming, this was the case.

The bubble burst when she arrived empty handed. Though initially miffed that she hadn't brought a gift, I then figured that perhaps Al had popped the question and she had come to tell us in person. That thought dissipated when I saw no ring on her finger.

Diane sits down and tells us she's in trouble. My immediate thought then was perhaps that stallion Al, in the midst of an old bitty booty call, had put one past the goalie and there was a little bundle of joy on the way. However some quick calculations in my head ruled that out. Then I wondered if she was gonna tell us she had cancer (I mean, for all the smoking she'd done, she might as well have been eating asbestos!).

Choking back tears (and some big phlegm balls) Diane told us she needed $15,000 or she would lose her house. The very house that Papaw had paid for, left to George, and gone to Diane free and clear upon George's death. When I pressed her for an explanation, she launched into this rambling, disjointed story about how she "wanted a nest egg" and had spent too much on her credit cards, and subsequently borrowed some money. She then mentioned going to a finance agency and how the man told her she needed a job. Trusting and naive soul that she is, Diane asks the guy for a job. The job he gives her? Going to home closings and signing her name. She then rambles on about how one house burned, how the man sent her to the bank to cash checks, how her credit was ruined, and that she'd get a part-time job and pay back every penny of the $15,000.

Thoroughly confused but seeing immediately Diane had been taken advantage of, I handed her a check for $500 and suggested she look into bankruptcy to get out from under her debt, never thinking she'd be dumb enough to mortgage the house. A quick check of the county assessor's website revealed that, indeed, Diane was listed as the owner of three other homes. I told her I'd go to see the bankruptcy lawyer with her on Monday but that first, I wanted to see all the paperwork she had on all this crap.

The following day, I go to her house and the worst was confirmed. That $15,000 was merely to get her reinstated because, there, at the top of a credit report, was a delinquent loan on Diane's house for over $185,000! When I asked her where all the money went, she responded, "I don't know." For every different way I phrased it and different angle I took, I got the same answer. Oh yea, she also had a $46,000 home equity line of credit maxed out too. This is to say nothing of the other delinquent credit card bills, the apparently refinanced note on her 1997 Mercury Grand Marquis, the mortgages on the three other homes, and second mortgages on two of them!

The following Monday, I head with Diane to the bankruptcy attorney to make sure she didn't get scammed again. Turns out this guy was an older attorney, had made his money, and now just took it easy by doing only bankruptcies. He was crusty, straightforward, and almost contemptuous of Diane for having dug herself such a big hole.

The attorney proceeds to tell Diane that bankruptcy won't save her house and that filing it may actually get her booted sooner, so she should start looking for someplace to live she could afford. Diane replies, "I can't lose that house! It's been in the family and I was gonna leave it to him (motioning to me)." The attorney looked at Diane and said she might as well be leaving me the Titanic.

As he's about to send us on our way, I show him some of the irregularities in some of Diane's paperwork, including the other mortgages, and the loan app on her house that said she had a monthly income of $5300 (it's actually $2300). Seeing this, the attorney knew there had been some fraud committed and gets on the phone with the DA's office. While he's on the phone, Diane turns to me and says, "I just wanna file bankruptcy," which she repeats when he gets off the phone. The attorney scoffs and repeats that it's not on her best interests. Instead, he gives me some numbers to call and suggest we talk in a couple weeks. His parting words to Diane are, "Don't do anything. Don't talk to anyone. If anyone calls, just tell them to call your attorney." When I drop Diane off, I reaffirm this to her.