There's A Smoker Born Every Minute

My first call after visiting the lawyer with Diane was to the FBI. They were already looking into the man who had conned Diane into signing her name at closings, so they took my information and set up an appointment for later to go over things in depth and to peruse all the paperwork she had.

Next up was a call to the Department of Human Services. They took my info and a day or so later called back and got further details. A few days after that, a DHS case worker calls and tells me she's in Diane's driveway and getting no answer at the door, but that her car was in the driveway. Thinking Diane had taken the message of "speak to no one" to heart, I call her, thinking if she's home, she'll see my name on the caller ID and pick up. I got no answer. Later when Diane calls back, she tells me she was at the doctor. I tell her the case worker's name and that she would be back the following Tuesday.

I also mention to Diane that I needed some further information so I could begin trying to figure out the depth of her problems. She informs that she gave some of her paperwork to "the girl at the finance place." I respond, "What finance place?" Diane, the woman who had been told to not do anything, not talk to anyone, and refer everything to her lawyer says, "Well I got this thing in the mail and it said they could save my house. So I called and they said they'd talk to Countrywide and they'd work with them and take care of everything." Fighting the urge to just go over there and have her sign her own death warrant, I politely informed her that it was another scam and that if they call again, she should refer them to her lawyer.

A few days later, I question Diane about a summons she'd received but not mentioned. Her response? "Well I hadn't heard anything more about that for a couple months so I figured it just went away..."

A few days on, I get a call back from the DHS case worker. She confirmed that she found Diane very confused and that she believed hers was a case of elderly abuse. She suggested I line up a financial guardian for Diane and said she would refer her report to the DA. A day or so later she calls back and asks who Diane's doctor is, thinking she would check with them to see if they might have noted any reduced mental capacity (insert your own tacky remark here, I'm running out of them).

So I call Diane to follow up and ask her about her meeting with the DHS lady. Diane says she just asked a bunch of questions, including several about if she gave the con man any money. And what did you tell her Diane? "I told her I never gave him any money" What about the checks that he had you cash and hand to him? "Oh I forgot about that..."

When I ask her who her doctor is, she replies, "Who wants to know?" The DHS lady. "Why?" I lie and say that she wants to make sure you're receiving the proper care. "Well I go to a bunch of different doctors." Which one were you seeing that day last week when the DHS lady came by? "Errr, ummm, that was an oncologist, but I don't have cancer!" Other than to get his name, I was literally too dumbfounded by that statement to reply.

Passing along this info the DHS lady, we were both confused, but her check with the doc's office revealed no notation of compromised mental state in Diane. Maybe they just never took the time to try to talk to her.....

The mystery was kind of solved some weeks later when we discovered that the oncologist was also a hematologist (blood doctor) and Diane had said she was anemic. Just another little detail Diane had neglected to mention.....